Funky Monkey (2004)

Genre: Kids
Format: VHS/DVD
Availability: Red
Director: Harry Basil
Cast: Matthew Modine, Seth Adkins
Surprise Celebrity: Jeffery Tambor
Special Guests: Tommy Davidson, Gilbert Gottfried, Taylor Negron


I picked up a copy of Funky Monkey in a drug store bargain bin, where I have discovered many of my shitty favorites.  Since then, it has become a cult favorite amongst my friends, who may in fact be the only people to have ever seen this movie aside from a couple of kids with poor parents.  All I know is, when I saw a monkey movie with a cast like this, I had to own it.  After all, can you really go wrong with a monkey movie?  Don't answer that.

The titular monkey, Clemens, is apparently one of the smartest superspies in the world - second only to his trainer, former CIA agent Alec McCall (Modine).  McCall is training Clemens as part of a secret program run by the evil corporation ZIT (Zoology International Technology, a name that would barely make sense even if it were grammatically correct).  The company is run by ubiquitous character actor Taylor Negron, who gleefully devours the scenery as an over-the-top corporate monster.

Meanwhile, in San Diego, there is a kid named Michael who is being raised by a single mom (Touched by an Angel's Roma Downey).  Michael is a giant pussy.  He is bullied by a gang of scooter-riding jocks and has absolutely no chance at scoring with the pre-pubescent girl of his dreams.  He's pals with his school's kindly football coach (Jeffery Tambor???), but that's only because he wants Michael to tutor the mongoloids on his team.  In other words, he's in need of the kind of confidence building that only a superintelligent (or "funky", if you will) monkey can provide.

Eventually McCall wises up to ZIT's evil plans to turn Clemens into a mindless killer, and escapes with him on his badass motorbike.  They buy a pickup truck and set off on a hilarious road trip marked by stereotypical antics totally unbecoming of the world's smartest monkey (spitting, grinning, opening a soda) and a sound-alike song in the style of the Beach Boys.  They go to visit McCall's college buddy Harland (Davidson), who now runs a zoo.  Clemens doesn't take too kindly to zoo life, however, and promptly escapes, causing a riot in the park.

During his escape, Clemens meets Michael, who should really know better than to interact with a rampaging chimp.  When McCall shows up and immediately starts bitching about how they have nowhere to live, Michael suggests his mother's basement apartment.  After nervously answering two questions and defeating a gang of skateboarding purse snatchers, Mom gives McCall the green light.

The rest of the movie is a blur - a descent into madness which gets more and more bizarre with each passing scene.  Taylor Negron sends a pair of bumbling henchmen, who fit the classic fat guy/weasely guy model, to track down Clemens and McCall.  Michael, McCall, and Clemens fight a biker gang in a playground, then later a trio of ninjas in a haunted house.  All the while, Michael is getting closer and closer to sealing the deal with the hottest 12-year-old in school, who seems just a little TOO impressed with the fact that he hangs out with a monkey.  Oh and also, Clemens gets temporarily kidnapped by a mad scientist played by Gilbert Gottfried.

The ending is an orgy of insanity - Michael is finally on the football team and playing in the big game, but Taylor Negron, his henchmen, and the ninjas have abducted the rival team and are now playing against him!  Seeing his best bud is in trouble, Clemens suits up and wins the game through a series of highly improbably acrobatic stunts.  McCall plays a video on the big screen of Taylor Negron describing his monkey soldier plan, and the audience is disgusted.  The police arrive to take them all away, and I'm pretty sure McCall and the Mom fall in love for some reason.  Why not.

Now putting aside the fact that he's in disguise playing football against children, I find it hard to believe that a crowd of concerned parents and a local police force could arrest the CEO of a multinational corporation.  I mean, more evil people have gotten away with a lot worse.  But then again, trying to apply logic to this movie is a losing proposition.

Notes on the Cast: Modine is charming as usual, and the kid who plays Michael is sufficiently pathetic for most of the film.  Hell, he's even pretty pathetic at the end when he kinda gets the girl.  Speaking of the girl, something tells me she's pretty hot now.  I wonder if she's done a Maxim pictorial yet?  Whatever this movie was made 8 years ago.  Don't fucking judge me.  Then, of course, there is the funky monkey himself.  Clemens is obviously played by a small man in a monkey suit during the more complicated stunts, and according to an interview Gilbert Gottfried did on Penn Jilette's radio show, he was played by a drunken French midget.  That guy must have the worst life ever.

Notes on the Production: Let's face it, a movie that features elaborate fight scenes at a shopping plaza, a playground, a haunted house, and a football field can't have been easy to make.  Not to mention working with a monkey, or wrangling such an all-star cast.  A lot of people spent a lot of time, effort, and money to make this goddamn movie.  Well hey, good for them.  I know their work brought untold joy into the lives of me and my friends.  Strangely, the movie's IMDb page notes Fred Ward as being part of the cast.  This may be because, according to Funky Monkey lore, half the movie was filmed before they decided to start from scratch.  Poor bastard missed out on quite the opportunity.  Oh, and the director of Funky Monkey is known mainly for collaborating with Rodney Dangerfield towards the end of his career.  Which makes sense, because this movie is about as funny as Meet Wally Sparks or My Five Wives or, say, watching a beloved comedian grow old and die.



Video Bonus: If you dare, check out 9+ minutes of Funky Monkey's most bizarre moments.  And if you're truly a glutton for punishment, the guy even made a volume 2!