Genre: Drama
Format: VHS
Availability: Red
Director: Oscar Williams
Cast: Philip Michael Thomas, Vernee Watson-Johnson
Surprise Celebrity: The Gap Band
Special Guests: Frankie Crocker, Larry McCormick
Most connoisseurs of shitty film have their Holy Grail - the one terrible movie that they keep going back to time and time again. The movie they have to show all their friends like an evangelical Christian spreading the Good News. Usually it's a fairly obvious choice, like The Room or Troll 2. But for me, the deal was sealed about ten years ago when a friend of mine handed me a VHS tape he had found in a cardboard box at a video store. Note: If you're ever in a video store and there's a box of VHS tapes sitting in a corner, check that shit out.
In the mid-70's, a young actor named Philip Michael Thomas made a low-budget film about the dangers of angel dust. He believed deeply in the project, but alas - it was never released, and Thomas was forced to toil in relative obscurity until he scored the role of a lifetime as Detective Ricardo Tubbs in the hit 80's series Miami Vice. Flush with cash, and perhaps jealous of his co-star's success on the pop charts, he decided to record an album and film a music video. I don't think I have to tell you that this was an epic failure. The album didn't sell, and MTV declined to air the video. So how to expose the world to his musical genius? Thomas hatched a foolproof scheme: re-release Death Drug, and awkwardly stick the music video into the middle of the film as if it were supposed to be there all along. How could such a plan go wrong?
From there, it's off to the angel dust-soaked streets of 70's LA. We are shown the dangers of the "wack" as a foaming-at-the-mouth gentleman attacks a group of roller skaters with a board, is subdued by police, breaks free of his handcuffs, runs into a street, and is mowed down by a cab. Once we are sufficiently pertified of angel dust, we are introduced to happy-go-lucky plumber/amateur musician Jesse Thomas. He has a lovely wife, a great job, and has just been accepted to a music conservatory. It's time to celebrate - 70's style. Jesse, his wife (actress Vernee Watson-Johnson, who played Will Smith's real mom on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air), and their completely out-of-place white best friends attend a local disco where the Gap Band is headlining. Jesse is asked to join the band on stage and demonstrates his musical genius by pretending to play keyboards in a 5 minute song that features no keyboards. Afterwards, he leaves to meet his weed dealer in the bathroom - a rhyming, smooth talking dude who sells by the pre-rolled joint. Why guys like this don't exist anymore is beyond me - I guess in today's economy, things like customer service and calling joints "the stick with the kick" are relics of a simpler time.
Surprisingly, Jesse's drug dealer isn't completely looking out for his best interests. He offers him an angel dust-laced joint, known as "sherm", that he claims will get him "so high, [he'll] need a parachute to come down". Here's a fun fact - many times angel dust isn't "dust" at all, it's an oily substance that cigarettes or joints are dipped into. You're welcome! As Jesse naively walks away with his "tower of power", the drug dealer sadly shakes his head. Apparently people love PCP so much that his job has become disappointingly easy, and it's only a matter of time before he doesn't even have to rhyme anymore.
Soon Jesse is offered a record deal, but when he goes to tell his white father about it at the most depressing nursing home in the universe (via one of the greatest monologues in movie history), Dad is not impressed. Jesse drowns the pain with sherm, smoking up wherever he can and hallucinating hairbrushes that turn into baby alligators and pipes that turn into boa constricters. In angel dust-induced rages he fights with his boss, assaults his wife with sheet music, and even flips out at the Gap Band.
Now, for some reason, Jesse is automatically famous and releases a music video (even though the medium was not popularized until the early 80's). Suddenly we are subjected to a sight that would rival any PCP hallucination featuring lasers, spandex-clad dancers, smoke machines, computer graphics, and PMT's Jheri curled chest hair. Why MTV passed on this visual feast is a mystery to this day.
Back in the 70's, Jesse's wife, now with child, visits the PCP ward at a local hospital where patients twitch, scream, and stare bug-eyed off into the distance. She and an afro pick-sporting female doctor convince Jesse to attend rehab, which in this film seems to entail little more than soaking in a hot tub, frolicking in a playground, and getting frisky with the wife.
But it's not over yet! Because Philip Michael Thomas has to justify his manipulation of the story, he tacks on an interview with a "record executive" who tearfully gushes about Jesse's brilliant career to KTLA anchorman Larry McCormick (as himself). Then Future PMT is back to wrap things up by reminding us how dangerous drugs are, and that's a wrap!
Notes on the Cast: PMT's hubris is well-documented (he wore an EGOT medallion decades before Tracy Jordan), and it is obvious how serious he takes the craft of acting. If you weren't convinced by his opening monologue, the performance of his younger self is a true tour de force. He shows a range of emotions in this film, from happy to sad, and all of them are cranked up to eleven. It's really a shame that this movie didn't get more attention, since everybody is trying so hard. I'm thinking that in order to get such intense performances, the makers of this movie must have personally gotten a member of each actor's family hopelessly addicted to PCP. Oh, and the supercool drug dealer was played by legendary DJ Frankie Crocker, who once rode through the doors of Studio 54 on a fucking white stallion. As for PMT, eventually he went on to become a telephone psychic spokesman and co-write the bizarre children's play Sacha on Broadway.
Notes on the Production: The special effects during Jesse's angel dust freakouts are pretty ahead of their time for the 70's - simple color effects that can easily be done now with some basic Final Cut filters, but which must have been a pain in the ass back in the day. They also employ "PCP vision", which appears to be a drinking glass held up to the lens dring filming. The most fascinating aspect of the production remains the fact that Death Drug was retrofitted to promote PMT's music career. Not only is his 80's music video entirely out of place, but it is obvious that in the original film, Jesse sabotaged pretty much every chance he had before he'd even recorded a single track. Also, the modern-day prologue and epilogue appear to be filmed with an out-of-focus camcorder and are poorly edited. You'd think he'd have been able to step it up a bit with all that sweet Miami Vice cash.
Video Bonus: Check out PMT's incredible nursing home monologue and see just how badly he was screwed by the Academy voters.
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